How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
