so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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