he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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