Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
