I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
