I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
