Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
