I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
