mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
