im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
