You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
