Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
