The maid of honor just puked.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
