So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
