I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
