So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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