So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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