No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
