So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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