Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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