Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
