There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
