I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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