sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
