If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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