one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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