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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
