one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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