if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
