Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
