do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
