Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
