My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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