Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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