How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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