She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
