I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
