I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
