Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
