Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When did angry sex become our thing?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
