Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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