When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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