I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
