also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
