3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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