He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
