He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
