We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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