Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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