you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
