It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
