Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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