im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
