I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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