I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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