we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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