i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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