Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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