A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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