I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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