i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm just crazy horny about you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
