by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
