You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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